PAMELA JO BOWMAN MESA ARIZONA – You gave them life. Now, let them live it. A friend told me that the other day. I do spend a great deal of time thinking about those I care for. When they are struggling, I ache. When their eyes well up, my tears fall. When they are happy, my heart soars.
I admit I am grandiose. I believe that I really can solve their problems or fix their issues. If they would just listen to me! My children try to humor me, but they need that energy for themselves. They need to know I have confidence in them to solve their own problems. I need to release … me. It is hard to be fired when it is you who is doing the firing. Maybe retiring is a kinder word, but then there is also the possibility of coming out of retirement or being underfoot.
It isn’t that I don’t trust them. It’s just that it has been my job for 25 years to pick them up and brush them off, bandage the seen and unseen wounds, hold them tight until they are ready to break away and feel whole again.
Love is a verb. I like to DO things for those I love. Now, my children are older and can do for themselves. People say, “just love them.” What does that look like? Someone tell me how to love someone quietly and less intrusively? I am such a doer, I think that would require me to stop being me.
I am grateful I do have other interests like editing and writing and filmmaking. These interests are things that I love, things that occupy my time and energy. I can only imagine how intrusive I would be if all I had were the lives of my children to occupy my time and thoughts.
You gave them life. Now let them live it. Living my life is helping me do just that.