After all is said and done, what still matters is that relationships have been strengthened.
Of the many lessons I have learned this year, the one I will share is the realization that I do not love everyone and not everyone loves me and that is okay. Altruistically, I still believe that if we took the time to really get to know one another, we would care deeply for each other — but, realistically, that is not going to happen. Lack of time and now, at midlife, lack of desire.
What I finally appreciate is the nucleus of people who do know me and love me as I am. I depend on them and I believe they know and understand they can depend on me.
At the end of every day, no matter what has happened, we are there for one another. This brings comfort and strength. It is also liberating. I am no longer interested in spending my time in the pursuit of being loved and understood by others. I am interested in spending time in the pursuit of my dreams. I found out this year that I count too. Not more than you, but most assuredly, not less!
I find that those who truly love me support me as I support them. Not by walking the road for each other, but by cheering each other on, throwing out the proverbial orange or at times dousing me with a water bottle.
It is in the doing for self that I find the personal satisfaction I seek. It is in the arms of those who love me I share my joys, struggles and theirs as well. The relationship with myself has been strengthened through this year of struggles and has enabled me to more appropriately “support” others as well.
I count and so do you.