This last week I experienced something I had never experienced before. I found out what it felt like to be left out, on purpose, because “some” of the people didn’t and don’t like me. I always believed if you spend the time getting to know someone you would discover redeeming qualities. I still believe that, but that doesn’t mean others do. I don’t think I have ever felt so alone or lonely.
As humans we do have the ability to empathize, we could imagine what others feel based on our own experiences or imagination, but to personally experience rejection and judgment, well lets just say the tears fell.
It wasn’t that I particularly enjoy their company either, but I keep trying to find those redeeming qualities. I don’t think I will try any more. It was difficult to experience the willful and deliberate act to isolate me. I can’t imagine living in a space where intentionally hurting someone took precedence over the humane treatment of someone, of anyone. I don’t want to try that on for size. How hard is their heart? How insecure are they that they could justify such atrocities. What do they benefit from such behavior? Did they bond in sincere and authentic friendship while they rejected someone, in this incident, me? How many people can they count on as being a friend? How many people have they used or abused because they got in the way of “what they want.”
I am glad to say I have moved on, but I also discovered something about me. I believe there was a time I might have done what I could so others would get to know me and I believed the result would be friendship, I found out that I don’t care all that much. It’s just not worth the energy and time. Although this incident was painful, I think the space they live in everyday must be excruciating. I feel sorry for them. I don’t think they have had the kind of friendships I have enjoyed through the years. The kind that may not always love what you do, but will defend your right to be who you are and love you because you are you.